You know who you are and that's great, we on the other hand do not. It is very impressive that you can say your first, middle and last name in one syllable. However, we are probably going to miss part of it. If your name is more complex than John Smith, break it down, slowly and clearly. If your name has alternate spellings or silent letters, just spell it. The name Schmidt comes to mind just now. Anyone with the name Schmidt, please, please have pity on us.
2. "I Don't Know" is very rarely an acceptable answer
Do you really need more explanation than that? If you don't know be proactive in finding out. We don't expect you to know everything, nor do we expect you to act like you do. Most questions have a reason, and the answers pertain directly to your problem. Responding with I Don't Know,and standing behind your answer, really slows things down and sometimes keeps us from solving your problem.
3. Enter EXACTLY what we say
Adding and or removing characters to user names and passwords is counter productive. If you don't understand what we say, don't be afraid to ask. Asking for clarification works much better than randomly making stuff up because it will not work, and we will have no idea why. You may even want to blame us while we sit and think about it. But when we do finally figure out why it is not working and you deliberately didn't do as asked, you might be put on the "list"
4. You are the eyes, describe what you see
The funny thing about the way sight works is you kinda have to be there to see it. If I am sitting in my dark windowless room on the phone with you, it is very unlikely that I can see what is on your computer screen. Give details lots of detail, even include the boring ones like, the name of the program you are running. This is one instance where more is actually better. Normally we are looking for something on the screen, some small bit of information. So pause between sentences, so you will know when you found it.5. Error messages, Read Them
You might not understand what they say, but we might, be specific. I see an error, somehow, is not very descriptive, or helpful. Sometimes the errors are vague, some are more clear. Read the whole error message to us. If it is painfully long, ask if we want to hear the whole thing. We need to know what the error says so we can help you.
6. Good things to know: YOUR username, password*, What you are doing, what you need to do, your name
This can't be stressed enough. You need to know your username and password. *If you are calling because you don't know your password, then you are excused from that requirement. If by some chance you don't know your username or password, chances are we can look it up, provided you know your real name. (If you don't know your own name, please contact your parent or legal guardian.) A brief description of what you are trying to log into or use is also much appreciated. You have to do your part if you want our help. We don't keep books with your usernames and passwords just in case you forget them, and if you think about if for just a moment, I'm sure you would not want us to.
We don't know it all either, thanks for pointing that out. You have to think we know something or else you would not have called. Myself or someone in my vicinity has probably seen your problem before and if you are really nice we might help you out. Unless you called just to prove to your friends that we don't have a clue, just relax and play along, what is the worst thing that could happen? Your computer is already broken.
8. Reboots help, Yes, they do
Have you rebooted? Really? Don't just say yes so you can keep your winning streak going in spider solitaire. Computer get tired and need a break, what better way to start fresh than turning if off for a few second. If you are having some really strange things going on and you can't remember the last time you rebooted, its time.
9. Location, Location, Location
When you are calling for computer support be near the computer. We may not need you to do anything with it, but chances are if the computer is in a bag in the bottom of a box in the belly of a plane in route to Africa, there is probably not much we can do to fix anything that might be going on with it. Really
10. Courtesy Agreement
This works very simply. It works like a Mirror. however you are to us, we are to you. If you are kind and patient, we will help you as much as humanly possible. If you have a rough case of attitude, then your chances of getting jerked around are pretty high.
11. Placing blame.
Once we answer the phone any and all problems with your computer become our fault and totally our responsibility to fix, Right? Not hardly. When you called your computer already had at least one problem, and we will do our best to resolve that problem and any others that we can along the way. If we are not able to, or we break something else you were running and did not mention. The problem becomes yours again. While I would love to say we always have a 100% resolution for all problems that we get, I can't say that. There are far to many problems and not enough of us. If you really want your problem fixed you might have to call a few times. and Honestly if we can fix your problem we will, I can assure you hearing about how many times you have called in does not make our day.
12. Stop Talking
Lastly, if you don't know what you are talking about, like really don't know, Please stop talking. If you can add some educated speculation to what the problem might be, please go head. If you have no Idea what you are talking about and you are continuing to speak just to make yourself feel important. STOP! Its not helping you, and its just making us impatient. As an example, if the error message on your screen clearly states "Invalid password" the chances are very low that the server is down, so don't even suggest that.
